i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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