All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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