remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
