Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I woke up under a house in Key West
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
