Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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