I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
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