fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
