I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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