The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
