There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
