I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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