he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
