If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
