i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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