I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
