dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
