$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
