Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
