You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
