don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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