Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
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