weddingsv make me drug and hornr
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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