we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
