I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
