his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
