I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
