Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
