hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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