...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
