# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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