I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
