he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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