Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
