I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
