it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
