are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
