hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
