Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
