By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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