Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
