I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
