She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
