its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
