You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
