I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
