He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
