I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
