she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
it was like eating out sand paper
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
