They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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