OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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