youre lurking in front of me
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
He? As in you personified your dick?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
