My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
